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A Relatives’ Perspective on Collaborative
Divorce
By:
Wendy W. Spencer, CFP®, Certified
Divorce Financial Analyst
I have an extended
family, and one of my relatives, oh, let’s
call her Amanda, thought everything was
going well.
Her business was growing, her husband
just got a fantastic promotion, and, in
their mid-fifties, they were looking forward
to their retirement and move to a mountain
area, where they had purchased land to build
a country home.
Amanda became suspicious when her
husband was rising at 4:00 AM to walk the
dog.
Actually, he was making calls to his
new girlfriend on the sly.
When Amanda found out what was
happening, the marriage was over. Amanda’s
hopes and dreams had vanished, along with a
husband, a father for her son, their
anticipated retirement, and her economic
stability.
Understandably bitter and angry,
Amanda was determined to get the very best
financial settlement for herself and her
son.
She was referred to an
attorney who proposed a new type of divorce
– collaborative.
Both she and her husband would have
attorneys.
It was very important to Amanda to
have someone on her side, fighting for her,
and helping her to cut the best deal
possible.
Her husband, passive about the
divorce, had an attorney to help advise him
and steer his settlement.
Sounds like a typical divorce – but
it wasn’t.
The four of them met together to
discuss their issues and to satisfy
interests.
Amanda knew that she would have to be
in contact with her soon to be ex-husband
because of issues that would arise with
their son.
Therefore, as angry as she was, she
knew that it was important to maintain a
decent relationship with her ex.
Also, she knew that she was more
likely to get a favorable settlement if she
was reasonable.
Their financial
situation was complex, so the attorneys
brought in a Certified Divorce Financial
Analyst (not the author in this case), to
produce “what if?” scenarios of different
settlement options.
The CDFA also helped them to gather
financial information about their marital
assets, budget, and to complete their
financial affidavits.
Amanda was also able to get a picture
of what her future financial situation could
look like, so she could do some advance
planning.
When I asked Amanda about her experience
with collaborative divorce, she told me that
while she was incredibly angry about the
divorce, and the meetings were physically
and emotionally draining, she was
very satisfied with the process.
She was able to express her needs,
and most importantly, have them heard
and acknowledged.
She was able to maintain a decent
“working” relationship with her ex-husband.
She felt that she had high quality
legal advice, and that the financial advice
was invaluable.
The settlement was very reasonable
and comprehensive.
Amanda also liked the team approach,
with attorneys and the financial expert
working together, rather than piecemeal.
Although she and her spouse did not
require the services of a coach, she felt
that coaching could be very helpful when
dealing with intense emotions.
All in all, Amanda felt that
collaborative divorce helped her to make the
best out of a bad situation and was a
healthier process in the long run than a
litigated divorce.
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