How is Collaborative Divorce Different than Other Approaches?

There are four main approaches to divorce in Colorado:

• Do it yourself with no assistance;
• Mediation is having an independent mediator help you and your spouse, with or without legal representation, come to an agreement – if you cannot agree, you can take remaining issues to court for the judge to decide;
• Litigation  is having an attorney represent you who tries to settle out of court, but ultimately may have to present your case to a judge to decide all or some of the issues; or
• Collaborative law (see below).

If you need or desire the help of an attorney, you can either retain an attorney to handle your case, or you can consult with an attorney on an hourly basis. In the latter case, the attorney is only providing you with advice on the specific issues you raise and is not “representing you”. In collaborative law, you are choosing to retain an attorney to help you throughout the process of your divorce.

The key differences of collaborative law to other approaches are:

a. You agree that you will not go to court to settle your differences. If either party goes to court or threatens court action, the attorneys are bound by agreement with their client to withdraw from the case.

b. Your attorneys, while representing you and providing you with legal advice and counsel, are not out to “win” the case for you.  Their role is to help you and your spouse to come to an agreement that is in the best interests of both of you and your children. They should be trying to achieve a “win-win” solution.

c. Collaborative divorce teams work on solutions for both the short and long term that are robust, and designed specifically for your particular situation. As you and your attorney are not preparing for a judge to decide, you can be very creative in your solutions and do not necessarily have to follow case law in deciding how you and your spouse wish to dissolve your marriage.

d. Collaborative professionals generally acknowledge the divorce is not primarily a legal event, but is more an emotional and financial event. Thus, collaborative attorneys recognize that other professionals are often better suited to assist parties with the emotional and financial aspects of their divorce, and thus will include those professionals as part of the team so that you get the appropriate help by the appropriately trained professional.

e. You and your spouse will agree that you will fully disclose all information, will conduct yourselves respectfully and with dignity, and will negotiate in good faith. Most collaborative attorneys will help you to speak for yourself, rather than speak for you. We recommend the use of a divorce coach to help you with communication and emotional issues that will facilitate your ability to communicate effective in meetings with your spouse and his/her attorney.

Divorce is rarely easy, and collaborative divorce should not be considered the easy alternative to the other approaches. You will need to communicate with your spouse, work through issues and challenges, and, with the help of your collaborative team, come to agreements that work. It takes time and effort to come to agreements that will stand the test of time. For many people, the collaborative process is probably harder than allowing an attorney to represent you and leaving your fate to an overworked judge to decide. But then, is that how you want decisions about your life, and those of your children, to be decided?